Christmas is a funny time of year for me.....

I'm 32 now so too old to look forward to Santa, presents under the tree etc

When you are kids it is all so special and exciting and when you have children you have it all to make special for them. So, what do you do inbetween? There is a time when you are young and just want to enjoy your life for a few years before settling down and starting a family but everyone kind of has an idea when they want their 'grown up' time to really start!

We take it for granted though don't we? I know I did!

I would love a little family.....I would love to make it all magical for someone else, to see their face on Christmas morning when they know Santa has been ..... if I sit and think about it, it makes me so sad, even hearing the Christmas songs in the supermarket today reminded me of when I was little and how wonderful this time of year was. I always looked forward to the day I would have children and be able to make it so special for them, just like my Mum always did for me.

So, how do you cope with it knowing that you may never be able to do that? 
There is no answer and no definites for us...we genuinely don't know that yes oneday we will definitely succeed with our IVF or that we will get accepted to adopt or even foster...there is no definite for us so I just have to hope.....not easy......but you smile, try and shake off the silly things whirling round in your head and carry on.

Time is flying by and we are getting older, Pete (my amazing husband) turns 44 this coming Wednesday and I am nearly 33.....I just wish we knew what the future holds for us so we could accept it and enjoy life in whatever way we need to.

Things that made me smile today :

~ Remembering that James arthur won this years X-Factor last night.....i'm not ashamed to say I love him and cannot wait to hear his music in 2013 x

~ Knowing that a week today we are going to Manchester to see Ellie Goulding, a break away, even if it is just for one night, it's something to look forward to :) x