It's been over a week since I last posted, time is going far too quickly at the moment!

Lots of planning and preparing happening in our house and my Mum's house at the moment, boxes of raffle prizes, tombola prizes, things for sale, balloons, money boxes, pens, paper, flyers....so much stuff!

Just over a week away, i'm feeling excited but anxious....I just want our day, that we have worked so hard for, to be a great success. Not just for us but for everyone else that has helped us and also everyone that is coming along on the day and being part of it all with us.

Had a few 'blips' in the last week, moments of madness and tears and total loss of control! How on earth my husband puts up with me I will never know but Pete, if you are reading this, once again, I thank you so much for putting up with me, I love you xx

Contemplating going to have a chat with my doctor again soon as I just aren't happy with my total lack of sleep, not sure if it's related to my tablets...too many, not enough...or if my mind is just working above and beyond what my tablets are supposed to be doing for me. Something I am going to think about over this coming week.

This is my 20th blog entry....it started at the end of July with a story of what me and Pete have been through this year and is now, what appears to be....my diary!! I do keep reading back through it and do keep hoping that oneday, perhaps even years from now, I will read back on all my thoughts and feelings and be able to smile and say I got through it all, I hope it all makes me a stronger person and that a positive comes from everything.

And soon, Christmas will be upon us......but that can wait until the 2nd of December, something new to think about!

Things that made me smile today :
~ Kind words from friends

~ My husband bringing me ice cream

Interesting article raised by the Infertility Network UK today.

They say 'there shouldn't be a stigma surrounding infertility and our 'Talking About Trying' Campaign which will be launched next year will hopefully help with this. No doubt though that like any highly personal issue, IVF should be treated with confidentiality - after all no one would share details of how their naturally conceived children. What do you think'

My opinion......until you have encountered infertility then I guess it's pretty hard to try to understand but i can most certainly say the best thing we did was to go public with our story. The support has been fantastic and it amazes me how people just don't even realise the ivf postcode lottery exists in this area. If we can just raise a little bit of awareness it would be a great achievement and why should infertility not be talked about, I think we should talk about it more, it's not something to be embarrassed or ashamed about. It's hard to talk about, really hard, but unless we talk about it then there will always be that stigma attached won't there?

I also think that people should remember that we didn't cause ourselves the problems we have. We have fertility issues that have just happened for no particular reason, and that have most likely been with us for most of our lives, through no fault of our own, they are medical conditions that unfortunately there is no cure for. Every day I see people with babies and think 'do you realise just how lucky you are' but in actual fact how do we even know that they too haven't suffered with infertility issues. I could write lots and lots on this but will leave it here for now and perhaps write a little more later in the week.

Things that made me smile today :

~ A gorgeous bunch of flowers from my husband, lovely surprise :)

Following my 'do nothing' day on Monday I have decided that this is something I should do at least once a week. I thought that sleeping during the day would make sleeping at night even more hard work but in actual fact it did me a bit of good getting up when my body actually wanted to rather than when I thought it was time.

And then....on Wednesday night we had 'Date Night', Pete took me out for a meal and we watched a film...it was lovely just the 2 of us, Pete has been working every day just lately so this was a well deserved treat.

Lastnight, as we had rented out 4 films, one of which was a 'boy' film, I let Pete watch it in bed so I could fall asleep naturally and hoorah, it worked! So, maybe this is the way forward! Letting Pete watch a film in bed at bedtime and me being able to fall asleep without stressing myself out :)



I cannot believe it is just 3 weeks tomorrow until our fundraiser event, it's crazy how fast time is going at the moment, it will soon be a year since I have worked! I have sent out table plans to everyone that has stalls at our event and think everything is just about in place now although I must admit I will be alot happier once we have sold most of the tickets for the evening event, I know it will be a great night and hope we can get the support we need to make it a great success :)



And then, after our event, Christmas is upon us.....my aim is to have a relax and to enjoy a few months where I can switch off from everything until Springtime when we can think about organising something else, but until then I think I need/want/must have some down time and try and focus my mind elsewhere, as much as I want my family to be complete I must remember I still need to live and try to be happy and spend some quality time with my husband <3


Every now and again I stop, and I think, and I remember why we are doing this and sometimes I smile....but sometimes I cry....sometimes with sadness and sometimes with happiness......and every night I go to sleep I hope and I pray that oneday we will be complete and we will have our special little family....I cannot wait for that day xx

Things that made me smile today :

~ A day in my PJ's & Slipper Sox and being snuggled up infront of a film with my gorgeous husband

~ Another homemade tea as part of my aim to lose some weight

Thought I should scribble down a few words as I haven't written anything for a few weeks...

Had a bit of an up and down 2 weeks really...majorly struggling with sleeping. I feel so tired yet when it comes to turning off the lights and putting my head to the pillow I just cannot sleep despite being exhausted. My dreams are there all the time and when it's time to get up I just don't feel like I have slept, I wake up during the night and get so frustrated that I can't get back to sleep again. So yesterday I decided to have a 'do absolutely nothing day'!! Pete was out working so I stayed in bed and actually slept til lunchtime then had a lovely hot bath and watched some afternoon tv and it was good and I think I felt a little better for it. Just hope the rest of this week is a bit easier for me.


Something else I haven't posted about on here which I feel I should... Warrington has now reinstated funding for IVF which is great news however it leaves just 2 counties that still do not fund any IVF treatment at all. Sutton & Merton and North Yorkshire! It still amazes me how the PCT think it is acceptable to have this postcode lottery in place. Some counties get 3 cycles, some only get 1 but we get nothing. Try not to think about it too much, it makes me so angry and really, really sad.

Also....been a bit down with the fact I have put on so much weight. I lost so much earlier in the year due to loss of appetite but it has just piled back on through comfort eating so with a little help from 2 friends who also want to lose a bit of weight we are having daily chats about what we are eating etc and setting little goals, hoping a bit of support puts me in the right direction to try and sort this little problem out! Not holding out much hope with christmas on it's way though!

Less than 4 weeks until our fundraiser day. It's going to be here before we know it. Everything is now all confirmed and booked in, just a few little things left to sort out and we will be ready for the big event. Really looking forward to it thanks to the support of our amazing friends and family and we really do hope it will be a huge success and that everyone enjoys all the effort and planning that we have put into it :)

Will write a bit more at the weekend.....time for bed xx







A fellow blogger friend of mine did a full month of blogging about the joys she found in each and every day so as a little extra to make me a bit more positive, each time I do a new blog post I am going to finish with one or two joys that I have found in my day (thanks Liane for the great idea, hope you don't mind me using it xx ).

Things that made me smile today :

~ Listening to my new Kylie album, The Abbey Road Sessions, whilst cooking a homemade tea :)

~ My husband telling me he's taking me out for a meal tomorrow evening :)

xx